Oh the childish pranks.

As I am a friendly person who likes to engage others in amusing and merry jest, but couldn't go so far as to make anyone uncomfortable, I would like to invite you to execute all the pranks I've been tempted lately to pull yet have not.

Go to the gym and take a nice hot shower. Wait until someone flushes a toilet and yell "MOTHER FUCKER!"

Use your myspace account to befriend people with naked pictures. Just naked people. Put them in your top eight and leave them there.

Walk through the crowds on 42nd street and shout in agitation, "What is this, TIMES SQUARE????"

Approach strangers and ask them in your highest voice how to get to Sesame Street.
Post recipes on Epicurious for "Hot Buttered Ass."

Walk into a small bar (like Milano's) with a double stroller and leave it there.

Put five dollars worth of repeats of "Don't Stop Believing" on the jukebox and then run away. If they do not have "Don't Stop Believing" then "Brown Eyed Girl" is okay. If they don't have "Brown Eyed Girl," then "Heart of Glass" will do nicely. If they don't have that, anything by Rush will do.

Set up a lemonade stand on your street corner that sells "Sea Breezes." This should not get you arrested in New Orleans, but anywhere else it might.

I have done none of these things. Well, the Times Square one I did, but I don't think it really registered with anyone. Still, I marvel at my polite resistance to actually do anything else listed above.

Well, stay tuned for pranks, part two, as the missed opportunities continue to pass.